Now with 100% less hair

Zero hair.
Full shine.

After years of slow retreat, my hairline has completed its withdrawal. What's left is smooth, aerodynamic, low maintenance, and very easy to find in a crowd.

Night mode detected. The dome now doubles as a nightlight.

Read the spec sheet

Shine level 0/10. Tap the dome to polish it.

Spec sheet

Technical specifications

Measured at home, in the bathroom mirror, under three different light bulbs.

Hair count
0Three rogue strands are under review.
Drag coefficient
0.47The textbook value for a sphere. Wind slides right off.
Daily styling time
0:00Down from 25 minutes and a lot of hope.
Bad hair days
0Streak unbroken since the last hair left.
Drying time
4 sOne towel pass after a shower. No hairdryer required.
Surface finish
GlossMatte is available on request, with powder.
Sun protection
SPF 50Applied daily. It's a large, south-facing roof.
Warranty
LifetimeIt is not coming back. That's the warranty.

The Hamilton–Norwood scale

A career in seven promotions

Doctors grade male pattern hair loss from stage I to stage VII. I worked my way through every rank and reached the top.

  1. Stage I

    Full head

    Took it completely for granted.

  2. Stage II

    Temple retreat

    Blamed the bathroom lighting.

  3. Stage III

    Officially receding

    Started joking about my forehead before anyone else could.

  4. Stage IV

    Crown thinning

    Learned to dread photos taken from above.

  5. Stage V

    The bridge

    A thin strip held the front together. Bravely.

  6. Stage VI

    Bridge collapse

    The strip gave up. So did the comb.

  7. Stage VIICurrent rank

    Final form

    A tidy horseshoe and a polished summit.

Savings calculator

What baldness pays back

Drag the slider to see what a hairless life saves over time.

Assumes a $25 haircut every 5 weeks, an $8 bottle of shampoo every 6 weeks, and 10 minutes of styling a day.

52haircuts skipped
43shampoo bottles not bought
304hours not spent styling
$1,652saved. Mostly spent on hats.

Reviews

Five stars from everything that touches it

★★★★★Finally, a surface that gives something back.
The SunStar, in business for 4.6 billion years
★★★★★No shedding, no grease, no tangles. Best roommate I've ever had.
My pillowBedroom
★★★★★I haven't been clogged in years. I feel like a new drain.
The shower drainBathroom
★★★★★I'm glad it worked out. I just wish someone still needed me.
A retired combBack of the drawer
★★★★★There's nothing left to mess up. I've stopped trying.
The windOutdoors, mostly
★★★★★We still text sometimes.
My former barberLost a client, kept a friend

Plans

Every plan I tried

Two of them are no longer supported.

Discontinued

The Comb-Over

Cost: my dignity

  • Six minutes of engineering every morning
  • Collapses in winds above 15 km/h
  • Fooled nobody, including me
Seasonal

The Hat Plan

Cost: about $30 per hat

  • Great on sunny days
  • Has to come off indoors and at weddings
  • Still gives me hat hair, somehow
Current plan

The Full Dome

Cost: $0, forever

  • Zero maintenance
  • Dry four seconds after a shower
  • Unlimited shine, polish included
  • Built-in reflector for group photos

FAQ

Questions people ask me in elevators

Can I touch it?

Ask first. Rubbing it for luck is allowed once a day. Luck is not guaranteed.

Did you shave it, or did it leave?

It was a mutual decision. The hair left first, and I made it official with a razor.

Do you get cold?

In winter, yes. My beanie collection grows every December.

How do you keep it this shiny?

Soap, water, sunscreen, and confidence. Mostly confidence.

Will it grow back?

No. I've stopped leaving the door open.

Is that my reflection?

Probably. Your collar is folded, by the way.